This is a larger-than-life kind of book. Where you trade between one character to another or one story to another seamlessly. You don't even feel the need to go back to the other end. You enjoy what is presented to you. Well! At times you despise it too. As per my understanding, the story revolves around three main themes - Relationships, Abuse/Trauma, and Depression. You can find some ideas or opinions interchangeably in these.
Character names - Jude, Willem, JB, Malcom, Andy, Harold, Julia and Richard
Depression
If you have ever read anything Depression, then you just know the tip of the iceberg. This book takes you down on a deeper level and shows you what is underneath the iceberg. Now, you might not be ready for it but it has been shoved at your face. You have to have it despite its uneasiness. I took a break from time to time to grasp the story in a much better way. A person can excel in his career but the ghosts of the past won't let you live in peace. Some incidents are not meant to be 'let bygones, be bygones'. You live with them every single day and it makes you do weird things. Weird because in the eyes of society, they are not right or sane per se. But according to you this is the way you live your life and deal with your demons. And it doesn't make sense to them.
What would you feel or rather how would you feel if the person you love cuts themselves every other day or several times a week? It doesn't make sense. Right? Because for us therapy would be the best way possible but what if that foundation has been taken away from you and you have stopped believing in the system altogether. You do not blame anyone but you do not like it either. You have been abused so much that you hate yourself so much that nobody can make you feel loved or make you feel safe. You just cannot let your guard down even for a second because whenever you have done that you have been abused because of your vulnerability.
The only way to move forward is never to talk about it and just try to blend in. You try to excel at your studies and become the best lawyer in town, who wins every single case. Yet when you come home you are a different person altogether. It is so hard to put two and two together, because when you do your mind shudders. You don't feel sympathy. You are full of love and care for that person.
Jude - the protagonist, the bravest person, the most vulnerable soul, a fierce lawyer, the best friend, the best chef and the self-hater.
This is the story of Jude, who has been through so much in his life that when the story starts you would not know where you will end up. But you have liked his character since the beginning. Everybody loves him for who he is except himself. The narration is so good that you feel what he is feeling. You go through the same emotions along with him. Yet you'll always be behind him. He is a sweetheart who has seen so little and so much that everything is white and black for him. He would not want to talk about the grey areas because he doesn't like to be interrogated about stuff that makes him who he is, but he feels he is a separate entity in front of people.
I know someone who used to cut too and it never made sense to me. But now I know a bit I guess. When you have been brainwashed to hate yourself since your developing years, it becomes hard to undo this thinking when you are an adult. When you have been taught to hurt yourself to let go of the pain that you carry inside, this looks like the only way possible. Not even for a second, do I justify their behaviour but you need to make sense. This is what therapists do. They don't justify the behaviour they look for the reasonings.
And I'm sure you will find your reasoning in the book. You might agree to disagree with a few thoughts and scenarios but try to look at the bigger picture. Before starting the book, I read reviews and they said it is depressing and sad. But I would like to disagree as it is full of melancholy but full of love too. Yes, melancholy graces the most part of life here but the love it receives makes up for it. Because life is like this too; made up of joy and sorrow. Now, which part you focus on more becomes the story of your life.
Rating - 5/5
Genre - Contemporary Fiction
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